Not Today

I have recently started a fitness plan. I must confess, this is not the first time that I have started this journey. However, I am determined to make this time different.

My weight is actually something I have struggled with my whole life. While I have never quite hit the obese mark, I have yet to be satisfied with my body and I have never been the active type. I must thank my parents who ensured that I stayed active as a child. I hated anything related to exercise when I was younger. Not to mention quite a few of my friends' parents had running jokes about me coming to their house and eating their food. One of my friend's mom even went so far as to call me Rolly from the movie 100 and 1 Dalmatians (being that I was in elementary school, I didn't take that comparison quite too well). During physical fitness tests at school, I was that kid that everyone had to wait for because I was one of the last to finish the mile, I am pretty sure I never did a pull up, and I didn't have any interest in school sports. So my parents got creative. They found activities that I liked such as dancing and ice skating and they supported all of my endeavors with both. Additionally, they worked hard to feed my sister and I well. For example, my mom did her best to keep sweets away from my sister and I. Very rarely did we have things like soda in our house.

As I got older, the things my parents embedded in me stayed with me. However, I still was never really 'in shape'. In college I walked a lot and my roommate and I would attempt to work out on a regular basis. There were no real goals or fitness plans, we just didn't want to gain the dreaded 'freshman 15' (and we didn't). When I went through my first graduate program in San Diego, I enrolled in a 24 Hour Fitness gym. I even got a personal trainer. For the first time I started to see changes... and I felt changes. I was counting calories and staying active. One of my greatest accomplishments at that time was hiking a mountain that I had initially struggled with...And I hiked it with ease and made it to the top!

Then life happened.

My thesis took over my world, some personal situations became heavy so I just fell off and I quit.

Back to the old me I went. Cookies, brownies (anything with sugar), and no exercise. It was easy, so I did it.

This has continued to be a consistent theme in my life. I will get on a great workout routine, get in shape, fall off and quit. Once I even trained and ran a half marathon. But as before, once I completed that goal I stopped running and gained back all the weight I just worked off.

I am determined to destroy that part of me.

I may have quit numerous times before, but not today.

My current goal is to be a healthy and strong. Why, you ask? First of all, as I become older I recognize certain things run in my family. Being in the late 20s/early 30s age range, I realize that I am in a perfect position to take preventative measures. Second, and more importantly, I see that my fitness struggles are intertwined with my relationship with Christ.

When I look at my body, what I see are areas that I didn't trust God. I see moments that I thought I wasn't strong enough... or maybe even not good enough. I see times when food became my comfort rather than Christ. I see moments when I didn't feel like fighting, so I quit. I see lack of discipline, lack of faith, lack of patience and lack of trust.

I want to see something stronger. I want to see the power of Christ in me.

I believe I am beautiful and I believe that God is happy with His creation of me. But I have allowed myself to drift from what I could be, what I believe God wants me to be.

Sometimes when I work out or try to eat better, I hear a small nagging voice that says, "You are never going to change. I don't know why you keep trying". But that is a lie. That is the same lie that hinders me in life and I refuse to let that thought hold my life captive.

I am not exactly sure where this fitness journey will take me. My only desire is to stay focused on Christ and to become healthier, happier, and stronger version of me. I will take it one day, one step and one meal at a time.

I may have quit before, but NOT TODAY.

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me - Philippians 4:13

Wait Training

Wait.

The word we hate the most.

In todays society, we thrive off instant gratification and fast delivery. We want what we want when we want it. From this mentality, we have spoiled ourselves and made it difficult for us to understand why God would ever ask us be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10).

"But life hurts," we cry.
"God is taking too long."
"He must have forgotten me."
"I can't do this."
"Why wont God help me?"
"God wants me to be happy. Why am I going through this?"

Just a few questions that we often find ourselves asking while we struggle with God's request for us to wait. In all that searching we often overlook one quintessential piece- The strength we gain through waiting.

When you consider working out, cardio and other activities are great ways to loose weight. You may feel better and even drop a pant size or two. However, if you really want to see you body become more defined and tone, if you want to become stronger, some form of weight training is needed. This process can be tough. You may start off small and you may (will?) struggle. You may even become frustrated because the results take longer than you hope. Yet once you start this process you will see that day by day your body will become stronger. As you continue this process you will learn that with dedication, time and intense training, that old you will slowly fade away... and a new, healthier, and stronger you will emerge.

In the same way that weights can be used in the gym, God uses waiting for our hearts. Through waiting, our faith becomes stronger and our hearts become something new. Yes reading the Bible, going to church and spending time with Him makes us better. But the process of waiting allows us to develop a greater understanding of God and His purpose for us.

We complain about God asking us to wait. In reality, we should thank Him! God is our Father, our friend and the best personal trainer that we could never afford. He sees the best in us even when we think the wait is too much. He pushes us to see that our true strength lies in Him. He challenges us not to quit or give up when we feel we can't endure the wait.

God wants us to be more like Him. He wants to define us, to chisel us, to make us into something new. When we are required to wait on Him, God is inviting us to know Him better.  He wants our faith to become unshakable. He wants us to trust that He is in control. He wants us to wait on Him.

The waiting wont last forever. It may hurt and it will probably be difficult. But God promises us that the results will be more than worth the pain if we persevere.

So if this is where God has you right now, welcome to wait training! You are on your way to becoming something amazing.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD- Psalm 27:14 Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him- Isaiah 30:11 But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord. I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me- Micah 7:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him- Psalm 37:7 Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint- Isaiah 40:31