Being the God that He is, God did NOT answer my prayers. I wanted any life discomforts that I was facing to immediately dissolve. I wanted to wake up everyday and feel happy and thankful that God blessed me with another day. I wanted to walk around the world with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. I wanted to accept songs I sang in church for the literal meaning... Weeping may last for a night, but JOY comes in the morning! But I'm just saying, how long is a 'night' supposed to last?
In my worldly efforts I tried to do my usual 'I am having a crappy day' tactics to make things better. Eating, going for a run/walk, being around people, calling people to give me comfort, shopping, reading, writing down inspirational quotes, I tried it all. What I discovered was that all of the things that I tried weren't having the effect that I desired. I still felt empty. What I have come to realize is that all of my attempts to make myself happy were in vain because those things are not capable of giving me joy.
Several years later, I am just beginning to realize that through this process, God has most definitely answered my prayers and the prayers of my BSF group. Out of His love and mercies towards me, He answered my prayers how He saw fit and in a way that far exceeded what I thought I needed. Life's circumstances haven't necessarily gotten better (one could even argue that they have gotten worse). But through my constant communication with God and the studying of His word, a very unique experience transpired: The worse things got, the more reduced I felt as a person. The more reduced I felt as a person, the more humble I became. The more humbled I became, the more I wanted, desired and craved Jesus.
So has my situation changed? No. Has God answered my cry to change various situations in my life? Not yet. Has He loved on me through this process? Yes... beyond words. Has He changed my perspective to see Him better? Yes! Has he opened my heart to a new awareness and deeper desire to know Him? Yes! Has He made all of my problems disappear? Nope. However, has He presented me with an opportunity to find joy and peace in Christ alone?
John Piper answers that question best in his book When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy. I am just getting started on this book, but on page 44 he says:
...We understand that the fight for joy is first and always a fight to see. Seeing the glory of Jesus Christ in the gospel awakens joy. And joy in Christ magnifies His worth.
So do I have joy/peace in Christ alone?
Yes.
I recognize that every day of the rest of my life will not be perfect. Jesus Himself suffered so why should I expect my life to be full of cupcakes and sunshine? That is an unattainable expectation. So then how did God answer my prayer to find joy/peace in Christ alone? He awakened my heart to know that there is absolutely nothing in this world that can satisfy me like Him. Whether He continues to bless me by subtracting things from my life or if He chooses to bless me by adding things to my life, I know that Jesus Christ alone is my source of peace and joy.
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